Will You Be My Valentine?

Will You Be My Valentine?

Valentine’s Day is upon us once again. For some this conjures up images of roses and satin sheets, for others it’s baby oil and rubber sheets. And then there are those who feel lonely and bitter about the whole day.

As a Certified Life and Sex Coach, I regularly hear issues from all three categories. Some issues around the more romantic clients are that they are bored or feel their partner is just doing it because they have to, the hardcore folks think they might being losing their romantic side and the lonely ones feel a huge sense of missing out or depression. So, here are a few things you can try, depending on what category you or your partner falls into.

For those on the romantic side most are worried about things turning stale but don’t want to get too “out there”. Flower petals on the bed or candle lit bubble baths are indeed romantic but how can you take it up a notch for special occasions like Valentines, but not go overboard. The simplest way is to do little add-ons. For instance, along with a bubble bath, add champagne (or hot tea if you don’t drink) and add just a touch of rose water (or orange blossom) to the drink of choice (and a splash in the tub). This is a wonderful enhancer and is great for just special occasions because it can be an ongoing reminder for just the two of you. Scent is the most powerful way to get you in the mood on a subconscious level. So, when adding something subtle just for special moments, it has a building effect that can last throughout the years.

For those that are used to something a little rougher around the edges, take it back to simple. After years of BDSM or tougher forms of sex, we build our neural pathways to enjoy more and more stimuli. Over time this can make it harder to reach climax without certain triggers or a particular type of play. Try doing something like a simple massage or perhaps good old fashion kissing. If you do still want something more extreme but not your typical sex swing or doggie collar, try playing a game of denial. You can use either the standard orgasm denial or you can use other forms like denying touching places on your partner’s body. To amp it up just for fun, you can add spanking or nipple play along with the denial. This is a good in-between form of BDSM, but also this is a good way to bring things down a notch for those who are hardcore.

Now those of you who feel lonely or perhaps bitter about Valentine’s Day, you can either try any of the above aforementioned fun with yourself (trust me, denial can be fun by yourself in a rose scented bubble bath) or perhaps doing something sweet for someone you know. Even though Valentine’s Day was founded as a Roman festival that included fertility rites (hence we always think about sex in association), it has evolved to symbolize love. We all think of Christmas and Thanksgiving as times of giving, but maybe you could show someone you care by helping an elderly neighbor with grocery shopping or perhaps go donate some time at a shelter. By giving to others you are giving yourself the best present.

For more ideas on play please visit me at PrimitiveBalance.com or call 323-422-5221