I’m Not a Bus

Friends, thank you so much for the e-mails! I got some really nice just “comments” and well-wishers. Ya’ll are gonna make me go out and get a heart… but I’m not trading in my two livers, soooo, shoot me an email at theadviceidiot@gmail.com. I love sharing my “knowledge,” its only because I have made so many mistakes over the years.

Here is this month’s advice…

Hey Advice Idiot,

I’ve got one for you – not sure if I am being overly emotional or if my feelings are valid. I feel like I am being taken advantage of at work. I work with friends, and we are a very close group. However, lately it feels like I am pulling more of the work load than others. It seems like the more work I do, the more everyone else is happy to just let me do it. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining, but at the same time, I am questioning, ‘why am I the only person to see this?’ Just wondering what to do, I don’t want to come across as a problem.

Thanks,
Working 9 to 5 or Longer!

Hey Working 9 to 5 or Longer!,

Now I’ve got Dolly Parton in my head, but I’m happy with that! FIRST OF ALL, and YES in all caps, your feelings are valid no matter who, what, or where. They are your feelings, and they need to be explored, shared, realized, and released. Secondly, nobody is going to make you a priority if you don’t make that for yourself. I do shit all the time, that “isn’t my job,” and from time to time, I need to reevaluate WTF I am doing, and let people know that “Hey, I am only one person.” I find myself usually saying something like, “I don’t mind helping out and doing more, but how much do ya’ll need me to carry?” I get it, it can be an awkward situation and I understand not wanting to come across as lazy or whiny and all that jazz, but Boo, you need to know your line in the sand and be able to articulate that to coworkers, friends, etc. I use humor a lot too, because clearly, I am a hoot! Take some time to look at the extra work you are covering and try and remove that from your world. My Mom keeps saying, “Not my pig, not my farm.” I’m not a fan of that saying… when did my Mom work with pigs? But it is helpful. XO

Hey Idiot,
Is it normal for your boyfriend to want you to bottom for his friends? We didn’t start off with an “open relationship,” but when we were in Palm Springs, a bunch of us were all out and things got a bit drunk, and I ended up having a three way with my boyfriend and his buddy who was visiting. I was fine with that time, it was chill and fun, and wasn’t planned at all, but now my boyfriend keeps casually making comments that this guy he knows thinks I’m cute, or another dude wants to hook up with us. I’m like, ‘Ummm WTF,’ it was a one-time thing and now all of a sudden, I’m the pass around bottom? I’m not sure what to do. I like the guy I’m dating a lot and don’t want to lose him, but this isn’t really my vibe. Any thoughts? You seem like you’ve been around the block…

Thank You,
I’m Not a Bus

Hi I’m Not a Bus,

Now that had me howling, once I figured out what you meant by it! Great line!
This seems to come up a lot in “gay” relationships, sidebar “normal” isn’t a word I am even remotely familiar with, but open relationships seem to be happening more and more. Now, I know that wouldn’t work for me, but then again, I can’t even get a guy to take me to McDonalds. What this comes down to for you and yours sounds like some major COMMUNICATION, needs to happen. Maybe explain to your boyfriend that when it happened in Palm Springs, it was organic and fun (I swear that city is the threesome capital of the West Coast!) It seems like an open relationship is something your boyfriend feels comfortable with, and if you are not, please use your voice and speak your truth. Sooner or later, it will have to all come out, and in the long run you will be happier with yourself and your own energy if you can talk about what you want – sexually, emotionally, and otherwise. The phrase “nobody puts Baby in the corner” keeps ringing in my mind, but of course we would have to change some words to bottom…. [laughs]
Your anxiety about this issue and your relationship, no matter how short or long, will help to define you and your heart on your journey. Talk it out! XO

Whew, the Kids have some stuff to share and I am here for it!
Please write in, share, and let it out!
We are all amazing creatures, but let’s be honest, I’m really UP there!
XOXO
BF