Explore these SoCal Hiking Trails in 2022!

Humans are deeply shallow specimens. We pretend to care about lofty ideals and complex philosophies, but when we filter away all the noise and nonsense, we all crave the same thing: butts. No matter your sexual orientation, a dope derriere makes us all stare. The Renaissance curvature, the sinful symmetry and the quivering bounce of the cheeks contribute to an unparalleled aesthetic with a capital A. Heiny hounds go to great lengths to maximize the ol’ gluteus maximus. We buy fancy undergarments to cradle our caboose, we flex and pose at the gay bar to strike a perfect profile, and some of us even resort to plastic surgery to enhance our ends.

The best way to show off your assets is to work that twerk, gurl. And aside from rocking stiletto boots on the daily, the ideal fitness routine to boost your buns is hiking. Each thrust of your thighs produces a hiker’s high. You will gain not only an elevation of altitude, but also of perspective. And Southern California provides some of the most temperate winter trails in the world. It’s almost as if the great outdoors is your personal gym!

So, lace up your sneaks and peek at these peaks. We’re going on a whirlwind tour of the gorgeous gorges that give SoCal its signature sass…

Put Some Palm Springs in Your Step

Tahquitz Canyon

Let’s drop the humility and just admit it: gays give the best hugs. So, it is only fitting that the queerest town in California is also founded on a giant embrace. The San Jacinto Mountains encircle Palm Springs lovingly, shielding the heart of downtown from the bracing, brilliant winds that power Coachella Valley.

It is this proximity between the mountains and the main street that gives PS its rugged charm. You can stroll the storefronts of the Uptown Design District moments before hoisting a pint at one of the many LGBTQ+ pubs on Arenas Road, all the while gazing up at the majestic slopes along the western edge of town.

And once you’re done hiking the tourist-friendly terrain of the city, it’s time to raise the bar. Explorers can access the Tahquitz Canyon trailhead by walking mere steps from the bustling joy of central Palm Springs. Once you hike off the beaten path, you will discover a wonderland thousands of years in the making. Tahquitz features tribal art along the towering rock walls, irrigation systems designed by the Cahuilla peoples, and a 60-foot cascading waterfall that gushes its enthusiasm for your visit.

You may encounter some special guests as you traverse the trails of Palm Springs. A handful of endangered species find refuge in the labyrinths ensnaring the landscape. For example, peninsular bighorn sheep are known to hoof it heartily in the San Jacintos, so be on the lookout for a truly unique hiking experience.

The outdoor activities in Palm Springs represent a range of ability levels. Novice amblers may opt for a day hike up Araby Trail or Murray Hill on the south side of town. More adventurous climbers, on the other hand, can test their mettle on the Cactus to Clouds Trail. As the name suggests, this challenging course brings hikers from the sultry allure of the Sonoran soil to the brisk summits towering 10,000 feet above.

As you make your way out of Palm Springs proper, you will encounter a vast expanse of additional hiking options. The suggestively named Bump and Grind Trail, for example, meanders beautifully along the outskirts of Palm Desert. Enjoy a morning hike and then indulge in upscale shopping and dining at El Paseo.

Joshua Tree

If you are seeking connection within disconnection, you can commune with transcendence in Joshua Tree National Park. Popular hiking destinations like Ryan Mountain Trail and Arch Rock will usher you away from the hustle bustle and into a whole new consciousness.

Hike Like a Devil in the City of Angels

But you don’t need to escape the comforts of city life to taste the hiking lifestyle. Urban splendor awaits at several Los Angeles hotspots.

Just a baseball throw away from Dodger Stadium, Elysian Park sprawls with possibilities. The West Loop Trail offers verdant vistas galore while the Portola Loop provides views of the iconic Downtown LA skyline. If you only have a half hour or so, trot over to Bryce Trail and cruise your lunch hour away.

Runyon Canyon

Speaking of cruising, gays aren’t the only peeps on the prowl. Runyon Canyon is a hotbed of Tinseltown scenesters, so bring your straight friends and/or your dog and explore this must-see enclave. Perched fashionably above the heights of Hollywood and, more importantly, West Hollywood, Runyon is THE place to see and be seen. The footpath links the consumer excess of La Brea with the reclusive esteem of Mulholland Drive. Why struggle through traffic when you can strut your star-power on foot?

Valley dwellers have a bevy of options when it comes to mounting new frontiers. To the east, Griffith Park unfurls its considerable legacy, along with hiking trails aplenty. Triumph over Glendale Peak or Dante’s View before visiting the Observatory where La La Land and Rebel Without a Cause were filmed.

Stoney Point Park

Further west in the 818, you’ll find the placid openness of Westridge-Canyonback Wilderness Park. Hike in with your significant other for a picnic to remember and feast on nature’s pizzazz. Deeper north in San Fernando Valley, excitement beckons! Spelunk the day away at Stoney Point Park, a Chatsworth outcropping rife with caves and curiosities.

For Westside wanderers, get ready for a blast of T&T. We are talking Temescal and Topanga Canyons, the twin trenches that define the region between Pacific Palisades and Malibu. Gaze out from the manly majesty of the Split Rock Trailhead or take it easy with a safari to Los Leones.

Either way, you can treat yourself to an after-hike swim at the gay sands just below. Will Rogers State Beach has earned the nickname “Ginger Rogers” due to the abundance of queer activity along the sultry shoreline.

So, what are you waiting for? Last one is in all wet!

Hiking Glam Diego

While we are on the topic of gay beaches (when AREN’T we?), it should be noted that hiking doesn’t always need to lead upward. You can get down and dirty with a trip to Black’s Beach, the nudist haven located just north of San Diego. Nestled seductively in the Torrey Pines region, this revealing stretch of sand lures naturists of all stripes. The gay sector of Black’s is situated further north than breeder beach, so you will get ample opportunities to sashay your fierceness for the whole world to adore. After all, getting there (naked) is half the fun!

Marian Bear Park

For a more traditional hike, consider a trek to Marian Bear (we will now take a short PAWse for the obligatory “rawr” from our oso enthusiasts). The expansive 460+ acre grounds abound with mesas and crevices (get your mind out of the gutter), so it presents a host of hiking challenges for everyone from novices to experts. The well-groomed trails will work out your sexy stems without tripping up your gay day out!

Even closer to the center of town, you will find Tecolote Canyon, the perfect respite for San Diegans seeking a convenient escape from the everyday grind. Bird watchers will marvel at the owls that give Tecolote its name. This truly is a “who’s who” of hiking wonder.

If you are a size queen, then get your grandeur on at Mission Trails Regional Park. It is the largest state-owned park in California, measuring over 7,000 acres in area. Whether you crave the panoramic views of Cowles Mountain or the seasonal waterfall activity of Oak Canyon, this excursion just east of San Diego knows no bounds.

Strolling slightly south, you will hike past your fellow nature lovers along the manicured shores of Lake Murray. Go boating with a sailor or “hook up” with a fisherman as every one of your Brokeback Mountain fantasies come to life.

Speaking of fantasies: Marines! San Diego is in proud proximity to Camp Pendleton, one of the Corp’s studliest bases. Walk in the footsteps of handsomeness at one of the many trails surrounding the training grounds. The Santa Margarita Preserve bristles with lush beauty and riverside paths above while Libby Lake Park cradles the southern ridge of Camp Pendleton.

And in between sits miles of military seduction… or so gay porn has led us to believe. Drop and give me 20, indeed!

Now that you are all hot and bothered, cool off with a swim at San Onofre State Beach, a clothing optional gem nearby. The ocean-side trails teem with Pacific perfection, enticing you further and further along your road to curiosity. Shed your inhibitions (and your swimsuit) in the muscular shadow of the Marines’ playground.

Lest you think we have a one-track mind for strapping soldiers in various stages of undress, let’s return our focus to the state that shimmers brightest. California owns its reputation as the golden frontier for good reason. It is a wellspring of resplendent resources, from citrus to salmon to scenery unparalleled anywhere else on gawd’s gay earth.

The hiking trails of San Diego, Los Angeles and Palm Springs offer front-row views of Mother Nature at her best, and January is the prime time to forge a new year of healthy habits. The crisp air caresses your swelling quads, inviting you to stay warm with another stretch of hiking.

In effect, your musculature is getting the same treatment that a coveted grape wine receives from the California climate. The cooling breeze tempers the illuminating sunshine, creating a robust balance of sweetness and strength within you.

So, drink in the organic indulgence of SoCal, one hike at a time. See you on those happy trails! 

For more, visit GEDmag.com.