Corey Lay is the Pride of Reality TV

Certified personal trainer Corey Lay is no stranger to reality TV. He first hit the scene in HBO’s debut dating show 12 Dates of Christmas, featuring both gay and straight singles looking for love in a holiday-themed wonderland. Though he did not find his true love in the series, the nation did fall in love with him. This year, he appeared on MTV’s The Challenge: Spies, Lies, and Allies that featured a cast of 34 reality personalities from around the globe competing for a huge cash prize. Corey has used his platform as a solid foundation for his activism, as both a gay and black man.

I love being on reality TV because it allows me the opportunity to represent my community as myself. I want to show people that gay black men can find love, can compete athletically, and can do everything else that we often are not given the opportunity to do on TV. I want to be a beacon of hope for kids out there who might need me. Reality TV is also the one place in life where you’re encouraged to be your true self and rewarded for it – in day-to-day life, there’s often pressure to suppress yourself to “fit in.”

Athletics and competition have been a part of Corey’s life from childhood. Growing up as the youngest of three boys, various sports and video games were a part of everyday life and when he was in middle school, he ran track for the Junior Olympics. His early career was fostered by a loving household.

I had a great childhood full of sports and love! I am incredibly lucky to have been raised by two of the best parents a kid could ever ask for, with a “you can do anything” mind set. My parents really instilled in me the confidence to take on the world.

I learned that hard work and dedication can make any dream come true. Believing in myself is the biggest gift sports taught me. I know the most impossible feats can still be accomplished if you believe they can.

Even with the love he had from his parents, coming out was to be his first, personal Challenge. The world of athleticism, though much is changing, is still full of the expectations derived from stereotypical male energy.

I always knew I was gay from a young age. My family never said anything negative about homosexuality – but I also grew up without any gay role models or people in my life. With my Dad always being my coach in every sport and being so “masculine,” I was so afraid he would look down on me if he knew I was gay. When I started high school at 14 years old, I finally met another gay person. He was a charismatic, outspoken, and flamboyant teenager that showed me being gay didn’t mean your life would be unhappy. Seeing him be his true self inspired me to come out. Thankfully my coming out journey was met with love from all of those around me. I was able to continue playing sports and show my classmates that being gay didn’t mean I was any less capable than the straight boys.

In the beginning, I was worried that being gay would limit the amount of success I could achieve. Simply because I never saw another gay man in an athletic environment. But now, it’s a motivator. I want to inspire others who do not have anyone that is gay who looks like them to be their role model. I want to break down every wall and open the door for others to follow!

As with casting for 12 Dates of Christmas, The Challenge would come via social media. With COVID restricting face-to-face meetings, his auditions were completely digital. Even with fitness a big part of Corey’s everyday life, he leaped into super training mode as well as binge-watching previous seasons. In addition to having cameras in his face once again, he was pushed to his limit both physically and emotionally, sharing space in a foreign country with 33 strangers. The challenges that the audience watches for about 30 minutes in an episode can often represent an experience that takes up to 7 hours to film, often with cast drama to end the day. The biggest thing Corey learned from his experience?

I’ve learned how adaptable I can be. I didn’t know a single person going into The Challenge. Being in a house with 33 other people was tough, but it forced me to open up and make connections quickly. I also realized that if I want something I need to be more aggressive in getting it!

One of my fears going into The Challenge, being someone who didn’t know anyone else, was whether or not I’d be accepted by the group. Thankfully, I never once felt that I didn’t belong. The cast and crew all made me feel welcome from day one.

With his presence on one of MTV’s anchor shows, his story as a queer, black man reached households that his HBO Max show did not. MTV has been a pioneer in telling LGBTQ stories long before other networks followed suit. These stories from our community are now woven into shows and other storylines as a norm, merely highlighting different lives as part of the bigger picture, without pomp and circumstance, and has expanded the base of Corey’s activism.

I’ve gotten a ton of DMs in my inbox from parents of queer teenagers who were inspired by me appearing on The Challenge. I have been able to connect with all kinds of queer people in various stages of their journeys. It means the world to me to be able to offer any advice I can to folks.

Does this expanded platform create pressure for Corey to be a well-branded machine for both the black and LGBTQ communities?

In some ways yes, in some ways no. I think being my authentic self is the value I bring to the world. I share my opinions openly and express myself as I am. Black queer people are not a monolith and our unique voices all matter.

Corey’s relationship with social media has been bittersweet. With the added exposure comes the crazies that can come out of the woodwork. But it has also given him the expanse to inspire others through his activism and healthy living choices.

I have learned not to read everything people say about me! I have also learned that I don’t need to respond to everything I see. I have to just let go and know that those who get me will get me, those who don’t, won’t.

Finding my voice online is tough! In real life, I am so bubbly and charismatic. I don’t take myself too seriously. But on some social media apps that are all about visual aesthetics, it’s tough for me to share that side. I’m still trying to figure it out! My favorite place to post is Twitter. I basically tweet every single random thought I have, and it can start fun conversations.

Corey’s Instagram is a well-crafted mix of shirtless selfies, workout routines, friends, and family, with a dash of behind-the-scenes goodness with his fellow castmates. While we can salivate over his perfectly sculpted muscles, it hasn’t come without a price of hard work and body issues.

Growing up for me was tough. Although I was always athletic, I was also very skinny for all my youth. The images that are idolized by the gay community men are muscular white men. I grew up feeling either “less-than” or fetishized. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I started to develop real self-confidence in knowing that I am just as beautiful as anyone else. It took time to learn not to compare myself to others – and to be honest, I still struggle with it at times. But at the end of the day, I know I am my best version of myself at any given moment and that is all I can be.

How has his expanding media presence affected his love life?

What love life? [Laughs] I am still very much single. I’ve gone on dates here and there, but they haven’t led to anything substantial. As of right now, I am extremely focused on my business and life goals, over my romantic ones. For the first time in my life, I am not overly stressing myself out about finding a man. The right one will come along and fit into the bigger picture at some point in my life! No need to rush it.

He would gladly return to either show, with hopes of finding that one true love or grabbing the $1,000,000. But socially, he feels that his challenge, his mission, is to help further unify the LGBTQ and black minority communities. There is still work to be done on our part to support a community that has truly felt the damages of oppression.

The LGBTQ community should realize that even though our group is marginalized as a whole, when you are also black it is magnified ten-fold. The community should look within to see where they can do better. Not every queer space feels welcoming to black folks or other POC’s. The non-black/non-POC queer should examine their own lives and friend groups to be more inclusive. We should also hold those around us to higher standards. Call out others for their racial transgressions. Saying “Black Lives Matter” is not enough if you don’t also put in the work.

This is just the beginning for Corey, and his experiences in real life and in his reality TV life have further ignited his determination and passion for the future.

2021 was filled with amazing new experiences for me! This time last year, my very first show had finished airing – and now I am on two! I am looking forward to seeing what 2022 will bring. I see myself continuing to grow on Reality TV and represent my community the best I can by being myself. I also would love to start up my fitness/personal training career again. That part of me went on hiatus with the start of COVID – but I am hungrier than ever to get out there and help people hit their health goals. Long-term, I would love to follow in the footsteps of one of my idols, Karamo Brown! I would love to branch out into the broader entertainment world when the time is right.

You can follow Corey on IG: @CoreyLay

Corey’s episodes of 12 Dates of Christmas and The Challenge are available to stream.