Billy Francesca Gives Advice to Lesbians Dealing with “Gaggle of Gay Guys” to Tops Wanting More in a Relationship

Hello My Darling Ducks! I can’t believe it’s been three months already and the last ‘Advice from an Idiot” of 2023!  But don’t fret, we have more for you in 2024! This month we have some great questions, so keep ‘em coming in – email us at theadviceidiot@gmail.com. 

Dear Advice from an Idiot, 

So my girlfriend (I’m a lesbian) always wants to hang out with her gay male friends. I wasn’t even sure I was going to send this email, because I didn’t want to sound like “that lesbian” complaining about gay men. It just seems anytime we go out, it is with a gaggle of gay guys and we go bar hoping with them. Don’t get me wrong they are a super fun group of guys but sometimes I want to be around a ‘girl group,” you know? Any suggestions on how to make this work better? 

Thank you.

Not that Lesbian, I Swear

Hi, “Not that Lesbian, I Swear”,

God that is funny to write, You don’t sound “that way” at all. Who doesn’t want to be around “their group” or different vibes all together. I guess my first question is, who orchestrates going out more? You? Or you girlfriend? 

You can take the initiative to say, “hey let’s do this”, and head to a “girls event”. I realize this gets more difficult since there are so few “Lesbian Bars” and spaces for ya’ll and I think that sucks! I try to create a safe, fun crazy space at my events, but I get it! Gay guys are exhausting! I speak from experience as one myself. Create the vibe and night out with a group of gals, and map that out yourself. I’m certain your girlfriend would love the planning, and that way you can level the playing field (I used a lesbian sports term, you’re welcome) for nights out with friends! Come to one of my Bingos – I get lots of gals (and event straight folk) and it’s a fun alternative to clubs and you can talk and connect more. But most definately, set up some Girl Power time and have fun! 

Hey Idiot, 

Why do tops only want to top? I’m a gay dude who prefers to top, but I don’t want that to be the only sexual interaction I have. I must sound like I’m complaining, but it seems to me, that when I meet a dude I like, and if they happen to top as well, that is all they want to do. I mean, there is a lot more sex stuff to do, than just TOP. When did sex become just this or that? Am I the only one who feels this way? Sometimes I just want to make out, is that weird? Just wondering what advice or insight you may have, as to why I keep running into this problem.

Thanks.

It’s lonely at the Top

My Darling, “It’s Lonely at the Top”,

Another hysterical thing to write. I get what you are saying, and it is a bit of a weird situation. In my opinion, it has to do with the action of “topping” and how for some guys, it is more automatic and mechanical, not all of course, but “let me just do this, because that is what is expected of me.” I think it has to deal a lot to do with what I call, “immediate intimacy” where you go “all the way” right out of the gate. The gay art of cruising, flirting, and dating seem to me a thing of the past and that is super unfortunate. My advice… well, it having and knowing your own personal boundaries that you feel comfortable with. I truly believe by sticking to what fills your spirit, will attract that kind of encounter, either for a fun night with someone or for more of a long-time situation. The nonstop sex parade buffet that is laid out before us as gay men, is something that needs to be personally navigated and really looked at closely from time to time. Just because it’s there, doesn’t mean I have to go to it all the time. And what works for you and being a top, will possibly feel like less of a burden. But yes, these bottoms are everywhere! 

Love to you All!

Happiest of Holidays, stay safe and share the love!

XO

BF

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