You CAN Sit with Billy Francesca…

Hello, my tap dancing loves!

Advice from an Idiot is here! Thank the Goddess of the Sun, summer is right around the corner, if I can keep up this not drinking and Ozempic… I’m gonna look snatched and ready for summer. Let’s be honest, as soon as I find a half-eaten Reese’s Peanut Butter cup on the ground, this whole thing is off! I hope you are all doing well and thanks for the messages; keep ‘em coming. Email to Theadviceidiot@gmail.com.

Let’s get into it, we got some really great questions this month. XO

Dear Idiot,

My question may sound a bit dumb, and I’m not one of those people who normally reach out to stuff like this but thought you may be able to help. I work in a bit of a relaxed office setting, everyone is very chill, and gets along, and it’s a great atmosphere to work in. The issue I am facing is so many of my co-workers also spend a lot of time on the weekends, and after work together. They invite me weekly, more often than not, from everything to their kids birthday parties, to sporting events, concerts, and so on. I appreciate the feeling of inclusiveness, and again love the work environment, but I don’t want to spend all of my time with co-workers in a non-work setting. I have plenty of outside friends that I don’t work with, as well as family and events that do take up a lot of my “down time,” but I am starting to feel pressured to take part in outside activities with co-workers. I don’t want to come across as stand-off-ish, but I also don’t want to start a precedence of going out and having that become part of my world. I hope this doesn’t sound ungrateful or mean, I just want a little separation between work and my life. 

Thank You

Come Sit With Us 

Dear Come Sit With Us,

Hilarious! I don’t want to sit with you! [Laughs] I get it, well kinda, I don’t work in an office and I find the office decorum and culture super confusing. You do sound honest and sharing some well-founded boundaries that suit your life and the needs and wants for you. I think that is commendable! So often people “DO” what others expect of them and leave their own wants and needs in the dust to appease others. I am happy to hear you have healthy boundaries! 

Per my last email (I think that’s something that office people say), if you are trying to maintain some distance, but don’t want to tip the apple cart, (yes I am old and use sayings like that) I would try and find a bit of a compromise. If the “Gang from Work”, meets somewhere for a drink or something quick, you could try and stop by. Avoid deeper social commitments, like kids birthdays and concerts and events of that nature, however something easy and fast sound like it might pacify the “work family/friend” vibe. Another way might be to do something on your own, bring donuts on a Friday, something that says, “hey, I like all of you, but no way I’m going line dancing Sharon…That’s not my vibe.”

I think having boundaries and putting yourself first is so important, as well as maintaining a happy and healthy work environment. Look for a compromise, somewhere in these monthly events, and go from there. SIDEBAR: You may have a great time and it may turn into an outlet you enjoy. Compromise and boundaries are my suggestion.

Good Luck!

Hey Idiot, 

My 20-year high school reunion is coming up…I don’t want to go but keep getting messages from old friends (that I haven’t seen in years) and a few “old friends” that I keep in contact with, asking if I’m going, saying I should go, blah blah blah. To be completely honest, I don’t want to go. I’m not in that kind of place right now, and if I’m being super honest, life hasn’t turned out so great atm, my marriage is really nearing its end, work has been extremely stressful, and the idea of having to pretend everything is fine and I’m happy to see everyone is super taxing. Any suggestions on how to say no, and to alleviate this pressure of feeling obligated?

Thanks 

Rochelle 

Rochelle My Darlin!

Take a deep breath right now love! First off, sorry life seems like a downer for you. I can say things will get better, but it takes work and time. Screw that reunion, if you don’t want to do something don’t! I get feeling obligated, I had to get over that years and years ago. Some people will understand, others won’t, that’s their issue, not yours. I love the saying that “the only thing constant, is change,” and it sounds like you are in a transition period in your world. Take the time to get you feeling good about you, and what you want, and how you can get there. Now you said, “having to pretend everything is fine…” Helloooo Red Flag!  No one has to pretend anything is fine, if you’re sad, be sad, if you’re happy be happy, and everything in between, you need to search and work out, either on your own, with friends or therapy, (which I love!)

Taking care of our own mental health is job one in my world. Life does get exhausting sometimes, especially when things aren’t going “as planned,” I would find your JOY, and work on that. It sounds like the reunion is going to be taxing on your heart, and that isn’t what you need right now. If you do decide to go, be honest with yourself and the people around you, shaking up the narrative also can really help. Remember, you don’t have to pretend for anyone. Live in the truth, and love, and burn some sage. I do it all the time!

XO

My darlings, Thanks for reading, thanks for writing in, and please be safe and love as many people as you can, without penicillin!

XOXO

BF