The Lost Art of Passion

Passion is a lost art in our desensitized age of computer porn, Tinder hook ups and quickies on our lunch break. We have forgotten how to build tension and pleasure. When we are used to getting off by ourselves or using another just for sex, there is a connection and passion that is slowly leaving our society. My clients come from all backgrounds, race and ages, yet what is prevalent in almost everyone is the loss of connection and passion. This can manifest via ED (Erectile Disfunction), EE (Early Ejaculation), dryness for women and even as depression. If someone is new to dating either because they are young or perhaps recently divorced after many years of marriage, they often times do not know how to engage in conversation or even know how to have conversation to get to know someone.

Sex is fun! Naughty one-night stands are fun! But sometimes we need more than just fun. So where does one begin in order to build passion and create intimacy? The first thing to understand is building passion and taking time to really connect can make for better sex for both (or all) that are involved. A good place to start is with yourself. Instead of masturbating quickly to have an orgasm before you have to be at work, try postponing that orgasm for a few hour or days. This is called “edging” and it is a good way to show how, by postponing release, you can have a better orgasm. Try taking notes and see where your bell curve high point is. Was orgasm best a few hours? A few days? This can show you not only how your body can respond, but it will help remind you that the delay in orgasm can be a good thing for others as well. By denying that quick fix, you are building passion.

Intimacy with yourself is the foundation you need in order to build other healthy positive sexual relationships. When I worked in a professional dungeon many years ago, I was given the best advice from one of the head Mistress’ training me. She said, “It is better to know ahead of time what you like before getting caught up in a moment and afterwards realizing your boundaries were that line you crossed 20 minutes ago.” Boundaries are a wonderful tool to use when creating passion and intimacy. Boundaries are knowing when to say “Stop” or “Yes, More, Please.” In proper BDSM play, a true Master/Mistress takes time to get to know their sub/pet. This enables for better games and also provides proper boundaries for more mind-blowing fun. You don’t have to be kinky in order for this to apply to your sex life. Just understand that knowing yourself will help you be more open to communicating to another and in return they will open up to you. It really is a synergetic experience when done properly.

I also highly recommend romancing someone or allowing someone to romance you. Romance is different from passion, but they do play nicely together. Try something simple like setting a table at dinner with candles and flowers. If you live alone see how this self-caring technique feels, and if you live with another see how this makes them smile. Romance can be intoxicating, which is why it is paired well with passion.

When you are taking time to listen and care about someone and in return, they open up to you, there is a different energy than just a wham bam thank you, Sir. This is not to be used with everyone you meet, but passion can increase your sex life in a positive way. Being passionate with someone and trying to go slow can build on pleasure if done properly. So, the next time you are wanting to get a quick hook up, ask yourself why. Is it because that is what you are used to? Do you feel that is all there is to sex? Wouldn’t you prefer a little more passion in your life?