Tap Into Your Zen Discover Desert Hot Springs

According to classical thinking, the basic building blocks of life are earth, air, fire, water, and sometime Prada. Let’s focus on the first four as we strip away the frivolities of modern existence and commune with our elemental nature.

Air is hot and wet; water is wet and cold; earth is cold and dry; and fire is dry and hot, like Christopher Meloni. Hence, the four elements embrace a cyclical relationship that mirrors the function of not only our planet, but also our bodies. Each organ pulses and throbs (rawr!) to aid its respective system, and together they support every breath and movement we perform.

To properly pamper your complex, quixotic, corporeal existence, you need to recharge accordingly, and nowhere on god’s gay earth is more replenishing than Desert Hot Springs. Perched just north of the queer Mecca that is Palm Springs, DHS is known as Spa City. Rejuvenating bubbles ascend from the depths of the San Andreas Fault to produce organic Jacuzzis free from sulfur yet packed with therapeutic wonders.

Your anxiety will melt away. Your metabolism will perk up. Your perspective will be forever altered. Welcome to Desert Hot Springs.

Various resorts have harnessed the power of this berg’s healing H2O. They have fashioned pools, water features and saunas around the naturally surfacing liquid from the resplendent aquifers below. These establishments represent a rainbow of styles and vibes, much like our ubiquitous Pride Flag. So, let’s wave to a few of them as we take a tour of the town, shall we?

You may opt for the soothing simplicity of Sagewater Spa (12689 Eliseo Road, Desert Hot Springs, sagewaterspa.com) an intimate seven-room spa centrally located on Eliseo Road, with 360-degree view of the San Jacinto mountains. Nearby, The Spring Spa (12699 Reposa Way, Desert Hot Springs, the-spring.com) hosts several popular cleansing retreat programs throughout the year, each geared towards maintaining health and wellness. Delivering two private hot springs wells delivering pure, rich, therapeutic mineral spring water, and featuring the only Himalayan salt room in the valley, is the Azure Palm Hot Springs (67589 Hacienda Ave, Desert Hot Springs, azurepalmhotsprings.com). Further south, experience the one-and-only Two Bunch Palms (67425 Two Bunch Palms Trail, Desert Hot Springs, twobunchpalms.com) sprawling across a 77-acre estate, this adults-only hotel is the first carbon-neutral resort, and the oldest mineral hot springs spa, in the USA. Suites induce a sense of tranquility with exposed stone walls, natural wood accents and indoor plants – an ideal place for rest and rejuvenation. And meandering back to the middle of town, you will discover The Good House (12885 Eliseo Road, Desert Hot Springs, welcometothegoodhouse.com).  In addition to massage therapists offering both eastern and western massage, The Good House offers a mouthwatering menu of fresh food and mocktails. Once your toxins have taken a hike, get naughty with their house rosé!

Sagewater Spa

The Spring Spa

Azure Palm Hot Springs

Two Bunch Palms

The Good House

Now that your appetite is ignited, NomNomNom with aplomb at The Cottage Too (66230 Pierson Blvd, Desert Hot Springs, thecottagetoo.com). Their fare will break your fast without busting your budget. Affordable, delectable dishes await, and most of them are under $10 (gay gasp supreme!). The Cottage Too closes in the wee hours of the afternoon, so awake the early bird within and fuel up for a spa day the right way (hooray)!

As morning simmers into midday, you won’t have to go far to lock down lunch plans. In fact, just across Pierson Boulevard from The Cottage Too, you’ll find a suggestively named eatery called The Spread (66169 Pierson Blvd, Desert Hot Springs, spreaddhs.com). Its ingredients are as fresh as its title! From salads to sandwiches, you choose your toppings and build your own sub. What a collab! Pick from plucky produce, provocative proteins, and add provolone or pepper jack. Alliteration achieved!

Let’s continue our gastronomical stroll down Pierson Boulevard, where Delicias Mexican Cuisine (66121 Pierson Blvd, Desert Hot Springs, deserthotspringsmexicanfood.com) steals the scene. Mix it up with fusion food straight from the heart of Mexico City. Need to wash it down? You’ll love this: their signature cocktail is an elaborate concoction known as La Nalgona, aka the buttocks. Don’t sit this one out! Crack into one!

Oh yes, the foodscape of Desert Hot Springs includes another taste sensation: Casa Blanca (66370 Pierson Blvd, Desert Hot Springs, casablancamenu.com) also with locations in Cathedral City and Palm Desert. Known for their Patron Fajitas, Carne Asada a la Tampiqueña, Fried Tilapia and Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp, this place makes our mouths water like the oases that flow throughout DHS. Speaking of flowing, the beverages at Casa Blanca are as savory as their noshes. Try a tamarindo margarita, summer lemonade or frozen delight, each piled high with possibilities!

Fight your hunger away at Rocky’s New York Style Pizzeria (12856 Palm Drive, Desert Hot Springs, rockyspizzadhs.com). Get wrapped up in their calzone special, which feeds five people for only $30! And did someone say grind(e)r? Swipe right on Rocky’s meatball Parmesan sub or Philly cheese steak sammich. But as the name suggests, pizza is the main event. Choose from traditional triumphs like pepperoni and olives or get Cali-crazy with gluten free / cauliflower crust options. You will knock your taste buds for a loop!

The Cottage Too

Delicias Mexican Cuisine

Casa Blanca

Rocky’s Pizzeria

Dillon’s Burgers & Beers

Further along Date Palm Drive, Playoffs Sports Lounge (12105 Palm Drive, Desert Hot Springs, playoffssportslounge.com) scores a touchdown with every pour. Their cocktails are a homerun of flavors. Indeed, everyone is a winner at Playoffs. Go sports! Now that we have gotten all butch on your ass, it’s time to gay things up. This otherwise straight-acting saloon paints the town pink mid-week. Rainbow Wednesdays lives up to their name, welcoming same-sex couples, and sassy singles alike.

Moving right along, is there any greater descriptor than Gourmet Burgers? It combines the best of both worlds, like Hunky Millionaire and Chocolate Speedo. Well, you’ll flip for the upscale yet down-home patties at Dillon’s Burgers & Beers (64647 Dillon’s Road, Desert Hot Springs, dillonsburgersbeers.com). Put the “deli” in “delicious” with their pastrami cheeseburger or spice up your life with a jalapeño burger. Complement your platter with palate pleasers like breaded mushrooms and hot wings. Your appetite takes flight!

And now it’s time to flutter gently back down to sea level. Desert Hot Springs rolls out a refreshing carpet of must-taste, must-see, must-experience attractions. Cavort with fellow spa seekers, disconnect from the hectic world beyond the borders of DHS, and find your happy (gay) place in the Inland Empire. Your queendom awaits…