Onicks: Addicted to Music

Almost a decade ago, singer/songwriter Onicks became a YouTube musical sensation for the LGBT community with his singles “Manimal” and “Double Dose”, evoking a Gaga-esque, avant-garde, and highly sexualized mix of beats and vocals.  As quickly as he hit the scene, he disappeared into total silence for almost eight years reemerging with new looks, new music, and a new lease on life.  

A SoCal native, Onicks had an early penchant for music and learned the drums, trumpet, and keyboard.  As he was coming into his own and exploring the world of music, his parents moved him to Colorado and he immediately became the outsider.  With his dyed hair, his edgy fashion, and painted nails, he quickly became isolated and, at the age of 14, found solace in substance abuse.  His relationship with drugs would be long-standing, present even during his early success as a commercial musician.  The breaking point would be when his mom found out, and he could no longer live a double life.

PHOTO AJAÀ IMAGE • AJ Calloway

He took time off from biz and social media to focus on himself.  But music called him back to the scene, substance-free and ready to tell his story.  Last month he released “Half to Death” – his single and music video.  The song features an upbeat dance groove with club-worthy pop beats underscored with dark lyrics and a deeper, unforgiving vocal presence.  We are presented with a grown-up Onicks with something to say.  The song itself details a not so distant toxic relationship, with the artistic look that set Onicks apart years ago back in full force.  But something has changed, his twink framed body is now thicker and stronger, his dark beard and focused eyes show us a singer who is overcoming his demons every day and will not apologize for his hits and misses.   

In addition to his musical comeback, Onicks has launched Sh*tty Wear, an entirely inclusive brand designed and made for ALL genders, shapes, sizes, and walks of life.  A curious name and branding choice, it stands for self-confidence and ownership over adversity.  Life can be sh*tty, relationships can be sh*tty, our political climate can be sh*tty – so you wear the sh*tty experience like a badge of courage.  Show the world what you have overcome.  

We chatted with Onicks about his new music, his struggle with substance abuse, and why we would wear a sh*tty shirt. 

Who was your first musical inspiration?  

My very first musical inspiration was Rihanna! She constantly transformed herself as I did growing up and when she came out with “Disturbia”, my life was changed. Someone who was put in such a small box was able to break free while also displaying how truly dark their soul was. It really meant a lot to me. 

You learned many instruments in your youth, what instrument was the easiest to pick up?  

I struggled to learn instruments in my youth. I have always had ADHD and so it was difficult for me to come home and practice every day. I was always in some type of “Band Class”, but my real passion was singing and writing music. I would have to say that the trumpet was the easiest for me to pick up and stick with because it was the loudest! 

I was a latch key kid as well!  Did having to be on your own so young benefit you in any way?  

Yes…and no…I am thankful for the survival skills I learned being on my own, but it simultaneously left me feeling “unwanted” at many times throughout my life. I still face that every single day in my relationships. Sometimes I feel as though I am the neediest independent person I know. 

You got into substance abuse at such an early age.  How were you first introduced to drugs?  

When I was much younger, I gravitated towards older and more mature people because I already felt grown up. I was so good at convincing people that I was much older and that lead to my exposure to drugs and alcohol. I just wanted them to like me at any cost because I was so lost. 

Was dealing with your sexuality a part of your addiction?  

I would have to say no. I consider myself an “addict” and I feel as though I was born that way. People are so quick to connect your sexual orientation with certain habits, but I have always found myself addicted to something. Nail biting, sports, music, substances, feelings, love, and so many more.  

You struggled with your drug addiction even while producing amazing music.  How was that possible?  

I was always very good at hiding my addiction from those around me which is why it plagued me so. I was so guarded that I would run home and write music on my floor until I ran out of paper. I did that every single day and night. Many musicians have struggled with hard drugs because they open your mind while destroying everything else around you. 

Why do you think the community responds so strongly to your music?  

I am a storyteller. I like to write music and create visuals that represent some part of my past and I think that people really connect with that on a deeper level. I also have little to no fear and so I push myself to do things that most artists are afraid to do. 

What aspect of creating music is your favorite?  

Writing 100%…When I write, I put myself back in the shoes of my younger self. It becomes a HIGHLY emotional experience but that is where I thrive. Intensity. 

What is your creative process when writing music?  

I work with several brilliant producers such as Jakaval, Danson, and Trevor Laake. My process usually begins with a beat. I am a very auditory writer and so I need to hear a certain vibe that aligns with my emotions before I can begin writing. Once I find that, the melodies and lyrics explode from my mind quite literally. No matter where I am on Earth, I will stop dead in my tracks and hide from people as I write what comes to mind. I have learned that nothing can come before those moments and everyone in my life understands that thankfully. 

Has your creative process changed from when you were suffering from addiction?  

Absolutely. While I was high, I wrote SO many incomplete songs and it was frustrating as hell. I could never complete a song because I was numb and broken. Now that I have found my balance and clear purpose, I can finish several songs at once which I am very proud of! 

What was the breaking point in addressing your addiction?  

My loved ones opened my eyes and really did not give me a choice to change my ways. Relapse is real and it took many years to love myself enough to stop.  

What is your advice to anyone suffering from addiction today?  

REACH OUT. So many of us addicts are masters of disguise. We hide from our families and from the rest of the world. The moment that little voice in your head realizes that you have a problem, hold yourself accountable, and tell someone. Trust me. It really works as a first step. 

Your look and style are completely out of the box.  What helped form your fashion and style sense?  

I looked up to many style icons as I was figuring myself out, but one woman had the most influence on me. Daphne Guinness. She is literally a style icon and lives every single day in couture. I would study the way she spoke and styled herself and I became infatuated. She was a constant chameleon and that is how I have always seen myself. 

You play with masculine vs feminine themes in your photos…do you think there is pressure from the LGBTQ community to conform to and represent labels within the community?  

Unfortunately, yes. But this is not a concept or construct that I accept. I look exactly how I feel, and I feel that it is so freeing. I used to be so concerned with how people would label me. Am I too masc? Or too fem? It’s all bullshit honestly. If I want to wear a dress with a snapback hat and some sneakers, that is exactly what I’ll do, and it goes both ways. 

What’s love and dating like for you?  

Hmmmmmmm… All I will say is this – I am happier than I have ever been and if I had a special someone, they would probably play a major role in that. 

What is the message from your latest single, Half to Death?  

The one thing I cannot STAND is a liar and I have lived through many of them. I wrote “Half to Death” about an ex of mine who was a destructive liar. Every single line in this song evokes a feeling I had felt during that relationship. 

What scares you half to death?  

Liars. 

Tell me a little bit about Sh*tty Wear, what inspired you to start a clothing line?  

Sh*tty Wear is something I am so very proud of. We wanted to create a genderless, all-inclusive brand that really reinvented how people view the word “Shitty”. We hope to create a cult following of fearless individuals who are not afraid to be fearless! The inspiration is a bit of a secret, but I will say it has something to do with the future of my music. 

Why should people walk around with Sh*tty on their clothes?  

Wearing a “Shitty Shirt” is a bold statement. Not everyone will connect with something so “in your face” but for those who do, our products are a massive conversation piece. We are planning to partner with several LGBTQ charities soon and are so excited to be able to give back to our communities. 

What is your New Year resolution?   

My New Year’s resolution is to become even LOUDER regarding my public beliefs and my work. I have spent a year building SO many beautiful things and I cannot wait to launch even more next year. Stay tuned kids. 

Check out Onicks latest video Half to Death: 

Check out everything Onicks at daddyonicks.com