Another Breakup

How is it already MARCH?! Sure, I was in a vodka induced coma for most of February, but still…. Fun fact – my LA anniversary is coming up! I arrived here in LALA land 23 years ago on St. Patrick’s Day (I know, right?! How cliche). I was seven! Some fantastic e-mails came in looking for some “Advice from an Idiot” and a lot of fun HELLOS, so thank you friends! Let’s get into some questions!

Dear Idiot, 

A longtime friend of mine has recently stopped drinking. In our younger days we could throw back drinks with the best of them. Later in years, as I slowed down, my friend “kept going.” There were more than a few times, I would find him passed out, or completely wasted. We would talk and things would even out, but this turned into a pattern. Until now, they have stopped drinking. I am explaining this because now that they are “sober,” albeit not actually working the program, he is overly judgmental of me.  I am happy for him, and he definitely seems to be on the right path, but other mutual friends have made mention of this as well. I feel a bit like, “you’ve got to be kidding me,” that I’m getting lectured about my social drinking, from a person I literally had to pick up drunk at a McDonalds. Just wondering how you would advise handling it.

Thank you,

Mike

Hi Mike!

You could be the first person to just give me a name! [Laughs] For starters, all this talk about drinking has made me want a cocktail, but I digress. I totally get it, I think many of us when we reach a certain age, we look back on friendships and see which work and which don’t, however, being preached to by a past train wreck is annoying AF. Yes, I said train wreck. My suggestion is to gently remind this person, “Thanks for the concern, but I’m handling myself.” They could also be searching for common ground since the drinking aspect of your relationship has changed. Each person’s journey with sobriety is truly their own. I have many friends in the “program” and many friends who party like they are 23, it can be a difficult road to navigate. I think when your friend gets too preachy, or too in your face, there is nothing wrong with telling Mary to pump her breaks! No one likes being talked down to, or feel attacked. If I had to guess a lot of this may have some guilt tendencies behind it for your friend as well. Be supportive when you can, listen when you can, and don’t take shit either. You CAN have it all, and a Martini!  

Hi Idiot, 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend for the third of fourth time. When things are good, they are so good, like magical. And when they get bad, it is really bad. We break up for a while and then something always brings us back together and we fall back into it. My friends are tired of hearing about the drama, and I don’t blame them, it is exhausting. I just don’t know what to do, and came across your column and thought, what the heck, I’ll ask him.

Thanks, in advance.

Break Up To Make Up.

Hey Break Up To Make Up!

Did you know that’s a song? If not, get into it! Sorry to hear about your recent breakup, and even more sorry to have to write the words CODEPENDENT. [Laughs] I mean, all relationships (as far as I’m concerned) are a little codependent. I do get it though, it’s hard when you care for someone to just walk away from that. Especially when you have invested time and energy and your heart. A couple things jumped to mind, one is couples therapy, if you haven’t done it, I highly recommend it. Just talking through issues before they arise again is super helpful. Another aspect of being with someone is reviewing your own mental check list, where YOU are. Are you saying what’s on your mind? Are you communicating effectively when your needs aren’t being met? Things like this, before you get to this “Another Breakup” point. All this being said, it seems like you will be talking to your ex, probably by the time this article comes out. [Laughs] No judgement, just being silly. This saying that I read in a book has guided me more times than I can explain, It puts this (and many other aspects of life) into a clearer picture for me – “When you can’t control your emotional state, you are addicted to the results of it.” I just love that so much. Look at the pattern you are in, and see what needs to change. Maybe you are better off apart, maybe this relationship can be worked on and fixed. Either way take some time to look over the past so you can have a happier future. 

Hope it helps love, hang in there.

XO

How am I so WISE and so YOUNG-adjacent! Keep those emails coming in to theadviceidiot@gmail.com I love sharing my thoughts with y’all. Be sure to grab the new GED Magazine each month or visit GEDmag.com online for the latest advice!

Take care of each other and have FUN!

XO

BF