Allusia Alusia

The holiday season is viciously upon us, my darlings! Please use ample care when applying the holiday spirit, as it may cause slight irritation. If said holiday spirit gets in your eyes, flush immediately with water.

NOW! I hope you all had a LOVELY Thanksgiving! I find that that entire Winter Season kickoff binge eating looks very flattering in all the upcoming holiday party pictures, so make sure your closet contains an ample supply of figure flattering muumuus and plenty of slimming black. Remember, that extra serving of pie doesn’t count if it can be hidden by some well placed fabric. But if you’re like most of the West Hollywood scene and you refuse to wear anything that isn’t skin tight (not because you’re a whore, mind you, you just like to flaunt it,) then you probably just skipped the whole holiday food-bingeing thing altogether and went straight to the bar for a liquid holiday feast. Always remember, kids – vodka is easier to digest than your third helping of gravy-in-a-mug. But if you went in buffet-style, just remember that Walrus is the new Black!

I heard a lot about this “Black Friday” thing this year and that’s just racist. Or something. There are a lot of things that I may or may not be misinformed about. Also I might make things up. ANYWAY, if you were one of those crazy people that gets up on that day before your average drag queen goes to bed (around 6am-ish?) then I hope you were properly attired. Perhaps something zombie apocalypse worthy? Maybe a bullet proof vest and a sensibly bedazzled welder’s mask? I mean, just because you want to survive the sale-thirsty hordes of consumers doesn’t mean you can’t be fashionable and sparkly. I’ve heard stories of people being trampled and maced and things trying to get a good deal, and eBay is open year round. You can get the same price from the safety of your home while you’re hammered on wine. WINE, YOU GUYS. Without even having to put on your pants. And who doesn’t love not wearing pants?

It is highly important to remember the SPIRIT of the Holidays, my little duckies, no matter what you celebrate. Be it Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas, Yule, or Festivus, the important thing to remember is that I have a wish list on Amazon. No – I’m just kidding. In lieu of donations send gifts, though. But really, celebrations such as Christmas remind us that it is very important to love and cherish each other. At least until the gifts have been exchanged. Then you can dole out the love and cherishment based on what happened during your last White Elephant gift giving session! But truly darlings, I think the most important thing, be it the Season or all year long, is to surround yourselves with people that love you and that you love. And maybe some snacks.

After we all collectively make it through the topsy-turvy ups and downs of navigating the mine-field that can be December, it’s important to reward yourself with a lovely NEW YEAR’S EVE! Next to Halloween, it’s my personal favorite. Go forth with anyone and everyone that you want to start a fresh year with, and go forth without expectations! Just gather your friends, jump in an Uber or a Taxi, find a lovely location, and continue celebrating until you can’t quite remember the countdown to midnight! Someone will almost certainly capture the countdown (and your other naughty moments throughout the night) on camera and remind you of it later, so enjoy yourself with just enough responsibility to stay mostly out of jail.

Love and Spirits,

Allusia Alusia