Acceptance: Just What the Doctor Ordered

Steven Henke Adds His Signature to DAP Health

Our scars form a roadmap of where we’ve been and where we’re going. Setbacks push us forward, injuries fortify us, and exclusion inspires us to craft our own network of inclusion. But some wounds aren’t visible; they are emotional, simmering traumas that shape our souls from the inside out. It is a uniquely queer phenomenon that requires copilots who understand our trajectory.

“The key to healthcare is we all want to be seen by someone that’s going to affirm who we are,” explains Steven Henke, Director of Brand Marketing at the most essential LGBTQ+ care center in Palm Springs – DAP Health.

“DAP Health welcomes everyone, period, full stop. It’s the reputation that they’ve built for 40 years, that you can expect judgment-free, quality care and you can expect it regardless of your ability to pay.”

Steven pinpoints the particular challenge that faces the gay community whenever we seek medical attention.

“As LGBT folk, we know how to hide and withhold. Nobody needs to teach us that. We learned it when we were three. But learning how to be open and honest and trust that the doctor sitting across from you can hear your truth and provide the care you need, that’s a gift.”

It’s a life lesson that Steven has been teaching himself for years.

“My journey was exactly the same as every other gay man’s journey, and it was, of course, completely my own.”

By tapping into the commonalities of queer existence, Steven has emerged as a thought leader in the field of well-earned wellness.

“I’ve had a lot of success in life. I’ve also lived with alcoholism, you know, and that was part of my journey. I didn’t want to fully feel or experience my life. I didn’t want to deal with the trauma. My alcoholism was a disease of isolation, of loneliness. And you know the loneliness and the isolation so surely started when I was growing up in North Dakota. I was a little boy who knew he was gay and whom everyone else knew was gay too, and that that notion of hiding and trying to be invisible and trying to be quieter and ‘less than’ so that I just didn’t provoke anyone, just didn’t ever risk being found out or or discarded or hurt.”

Steven has a knack for alchemizing pain into progress.

“Everything that I used to think was bad has turned out to be a positive or a motivator or driver in how I live my life today. Everything. One example is, when I was growing up, I was obsessed with fashion. I just loved playing with Barbie. People called me Barbie Boy and they did it to make fun of me.”

Brushing off the bitter memory like gossamer strands of doll hair, Steven continues. “Later in life, I was developing product for Target, and I was doing trend forecasting… I was able to take that love of Barbie and walk into Mattel and give a presentation. And you know, suddenly somebody in the room was saying, ‘Oh my god, you’re a real Barbie Boy,’ but they meant it as a compliment. I was able to then make it part of my professional identity.”

Punctuating his anecdote, Steven declares, “I believe everything comes from intention.” Stitching the past with the queer-and-now, Steven assesses, “I will be unpacking that origin story for the rest of my life. Not in the same sort of dramatic way. It doesn’t have the same power as it had, but it informs me, it informs how I make space for other people, it informs what I prioritize, and that’s a good thing.” There are so many good things (understatement alert!) swirling through Steven’s sphere of influence. From personal to professional, he is a beacon of inspiration. “I used to be really ashamed of the fact that I was an alcoholic, but today I have 15 years of sobriety and a different lens on it. My recovery informs every decision made; it informs the work I do. I always wanted to have a job that had purpose, meaning I always wanted to have a job that gave back to the community in some way.”

His road to recovery led Steven to a sales job in Palm Springs.

“I just kept getting to know these incredible people who live in the desert and who were doing all of this incredible work. They’d all come from someplace else, they all had to reinvent themselves and they were all looking for a way to make this community what they wanted to be. They wanted to create this magical space that we all love but, as we know, it has a lot of dark corners. There’s poverty and there’s addiction and there’s people without work and there’s people without shelter and there are a lot of incredible people trying to bring relief to that.”

Steven’s passion for compassion made him the perfect fit for DAP Health.

“There’s a lot of stigmas around healthcare. I mean, I’ve lived with depression and anxiety my whole life. What I know for sure, is it takes courage to make that call and ask for help. Mental health is health care, and the same is true of sexual wellness.” Steven continues, “There’s a lot of stigma around it, especially STIs. But sex is a natural part of being a human being. You may at some point get an STI [sexually transmitted infection]. If you do, the answer isn’t shame or avoiding the appointment at the doctor’s office. Right? The answer is to walk-in and say, ‘I’m an out gay man and I think I may have an STI, and I’d like to be tested and treated.’ You’re lucky in this community because if that’s your story you can walk in and you can get that care unquestioningly. I mean, it’s free first of all, but it’s also, more importantly, judgment free.”

Much like orientation, healthcare is best when it’s brought out of the shadows.

“When you look at things like anxiety and depression, they’re often driven by isolation, and so community is an important part of wellness. So, I’m a big believer that brand isn’t your name, it’s not your building. The brand is the story that other people tell us.”

And Steven strives at telling DAP’s story boldly and brilliantly.

“We got permission to begin the process to evolve the brand and changed the name from Desert AIDS Project to DAP Health,” he recounts. “We went on a lot of listening tours of our donors and our patients and our employees to get their feedback. But what happened is what always happens when you listen. They were so honest, and everyone knew that it was time to change the name, but they were so proud of the legacy that Desert AIDS Project had in this community… How do you step in the future but protect the past? The answer came with just simply leaning into the nickname that everyone uses when they love the organization, which is ‘The DAP.’ And simply adding a clarifying word to the end of that, which is Health.”

According to Steven’s philosophy, “Words matter, and they start to build your world view and your belief of where you belong in the world and what you deserve.”

Perception is also a key factor in how we evaluate our worth in contrast with those around us. As a public figure, Steven is acutely aware that his image is an ever-shifting lava lamp of what is seen and unseen.

“[People] watch me on the news or they watch me in a video or something and they see a moment in time, they see a moment in time that’s well-lit, and that’s great because I love good lighting. I’m a gay man.”

Pivoting deftly from humor to heart, Steven specifies, “I deserve it because I’ve had enough years of darkness.”

But you can’t judge a person based on their studio pastiche.

“That moment that was well-lit is true, and then the moment where I take care of my mental health is true. And the moment where I take care of my recovery so that I can be of service to others is also true… I’m finally at a place where I’m able to bring it all together and use all of it to think just to be a better participant in this human experience.”

Perfection is never the assignment. “I’m still very much a work in progress and I think I’m really comfortable with that,” Steven says. “I want to stay curious. I finally replaced fear with curiosity and it’s a place that I really, really enjoy.”

And for all the haters out there, Steven is serving a sassy cup of Haterade. “I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and for them I say: order coffee.” But it’s impossible to imagine how anyone could dislike the aw-shucks charisma and oh-yeah enthusiasm that has guided this wildly accomplished human from his roots in North Dakota to the pinnacle of Palm Springs actualization. “That’s my journey,” concludes Steven. “I finally found a way to put all the pieces, even the ugly little pieces, together and to create a whole that I’m proud of and to create a whole that I think makes me able to come to the table and think in a way that other people don’t… Ideas are kind of my superpower, but it’s a gift.”

With a simple, satisfactory flourish, Steven finishes on a decidedly empowering note.

“I ended up doing what I am supposed to be doing. I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s where I can make the most impact.”

His vital work ripples from DAP Health, through the Coachella Valley, and resonates to the world at large. We can all give a hearty, healthy thanks to Steven Henke.

www.daphealth.org