Let’s Get It On

Hey Sugar Darlings!
I hope everyone is doing fantastic and hoping for an extended summer like me…UGH. Yes I have tons of Faux Fur for fall, but damn it, I want it to stay sexy summer for a few more months! Anywho… I get some super fun, short messages that crack me up, so, I thought I would share these with you. People are a riot, and I love that I get to read all these messages, with a glimpse of what goes on in your minds!

Hey Idiot,
My boyfriend wants me to sleep naked, but I can’t. I get way too aroused, and it keeps me up all night. He sleeps naked, which is sexy to me, but I just can’t.
Any advice?

Thanks
Not Sleeping in the Buff

Dear “Not Sleeping in the Buff,”
Oh to have these kind of problems… the only thing in my bed, was a baby possum when I left the door open one night, but that’s a different story. I also can’t sleep naked, a full nightgown for me, made of wool. Sleep is sooooo important to me, and if anything screws that up, I am a hell cat the next day, so I understand wanting a good night’s sleep. Maybe try a tank top and underwear? Or sleep naked and when your BF falls asleep, get up and put on your sleep attire! Or maybe have one night a week that you try it? Like on a day when you don’t have to get up the next morning. This is a hard one…get it?! See what I did there?
XO
BF
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Hey Advice Idiot,
Some tool bag at my job, keeps swiping my lunch. No one will own up to it, but I think I know who, and we don’t get along at all. How can I deal with this dick.

Thanks
Bob

Hey Bob Darlin,
UGH, what a tool bag indeed! Ok, I saw some super fun things on Instagram about this! In a word, “DECOY LUNCH.” Ok that’s two words but still. Totally make a decoy lunch and use the same lunch box, or bag or whatever you usually do. Add some hot pepper, like A LOT, or laxative, or like pickle juice, something that when they take a bite, they get more than they bargained for! I saw one video where this dude kept stealing lunches and they put a condom in the salad. I died laughing. Be creative and hateful, lord knows I do!
XO

BF
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Dear Idiot,
I can hear my neighbors having wild sex. I mean like alley cat barbed dick sex. They are super loud and I don’t think they care that everyone can hear them. I am not sure which neighbor it is, so I can’t ask them to tone it down a bit, but they live in a nearby complex and go at it like wild sex starved nuts, any suggestions on how to handle this?

Thanks
Loud in Pound Town

Hi “Loud in Pound Town,”
BAHAHAHAHAHAA, This cracked me up and I have the best plan for you! You need a loud portable speaker and when they start to go at it, you blast, and I mean BLAST the song, “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. I don’t care what time of day, I don’t care how long you play it, I would just let it ride and blast that music so they hear it. It will probably give other neighbors a laugh, and maybe, hopefully, will let your neighbors know to be a little more courteous.
Sidebar, I heard my neighbor yell out the window the other night to other neighbors (who I couldn’t hear having sex, but something was going on), into the darkness, “hey buddy, you almost finished? Some of us have to get up in the morning…” I about died laughing in my apartment. Hope this helps.
XO BF

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Just a few fun wacky notes I got from you all! Send in your questions and stories, I love them! theadviceidiot@gmail.com

Thanks for the love and friendship you crazy daisies.
XOXO