Always a Bridesmaid, I think I Hate the Bride

Lord Baby Jesus, What a month! I’’m not saying I’m ‘PRIDED’ Out, but boy are my hooves killing me! A fantastic June of celebration, awareness, and of course cocktails! 

Loving the emails I am getting – actual people asking some really good advice questions! I guess the word is out that a life of mistakes and airport holding cells, has really shaped me into the fine upstanding young soccer mom you see before you…. [Laughs] Maybe the doctor was right, I do need to take all the pills they give me. Anywho, here we go…

Dear Idiot, 

I have just about had it with a friend of mine! I mean how many of “a friend’s wedding” can you go to, before you just say ‘F-it’ and stop going? We are on number three  now and she is only 32 years old. Between the non-stop support and having to 

start over with these new people every couple of years, it’s kinda exhausting. This is a really good friend and I have tried the, “Oh we’re doing this again” joke, but I think this is just who she has become. And this one is a destination wedding! I don’t want to be a negative force, but this is nuts. 

Thanks 

-Always a Bridesmaid, I think I hate the bride.

Dear “Always a Bridesmaid, I think I hate the bride,”

I literally almost spit out my moonshine when I saw your sign off. Ok, so, Yeah I would be ready to ‘F-this’ too. It sounds like you have tried to sort of “corral you friend in,” with going all out with these weddings, and a destination wedding, absolutely not. 

The fact is, wedding or not, friends change, and our paths change too obviously. Sometimes we can still be around those people, sometimes, it just doesn’t work anymore. This isn’t totally about another wedding, it is about seeing the distance in a friendship, that you clearly value.

If it were me, and unless I really wanted to go to WHEREVER this wedding is, it would be a hard pass. Maybe your friend will get mad, sure, but now this opens up the conversation about why so many grand weddings. If not, and your friend understands, great, you dodged this bouquet. (See how I did that?  I’m a riot!) But a deeper conversation is just around the corner, like an annulment. (BAM! Two for two.)

Hang in there babe! 

Dear Idiot, 

What’s your take on fisting? My new boyfriend wants me to try it and I am not so sure that is for me. It doesn’t sound fun.

Thanks 

-Maybe I am Vanilla 

Dear Vanilla, 

Hard Pass! I mean, I love the muppets as much as the next tap-dancing queer, but that is of no interest to me either. Putting this one sexual endeavor aside, do you enjoy other facets of sex with this new guy? I wouldn’t say you are vanilla because you are on the fence about this new thing. Maybe watch him with someone else, I mean, if you can sit through Gilmore Girls, you can watch anything. 

I feel relationships work best when we are truthful with ourselves and our partner, trying to “make someone else happy,” at our own unhappiness is not a way to solve anything. Be open with him and see what he says. If you see him grabbing crisco and a tarp, clearly he wasn’t listening.

Hope this helps. 

XO

Hooker faces – keep writing in, asking, talking, sharing, and of course, being good humans!

All My Love, 

BF