A TRANSforming World

A TRANSforming World

By Nicholas Snow

As we adjust with surprise and gratitude to the reality that marriage equality has come to all 50 states (although implementation is another matter), the transgender community is now squarely in the spotlight.  GLAAD.org says that a recent Pew poll revealed “nearly 90% of Americans say they personally know someone who is lesbian, gay or bisexual.  However, only 8% of Americans say they personally know someone who is transgender.  Given this reality, most Americans learn about transgender people through the media.”

Superstars like Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner are at the forefront, but their stories of fame, fortune and glamour are not representative of the vast majority of transgender women, men and youth who are literally fighting for their lives.  “Transgender people face staggering levels of discrimination and violence… Transgender people, particularly transgender women of color, face shockingly high rates of murder, homelessness and incarceration,” says GLAAD.org. They also remind us of the painful reality that most states and countries offer no legal protections in housing, employment health care and other areas where individuals experience discrimination based on their gender identity or expression.  In the face of such horrors, we are even more inspired by transgender people who have come out and are living their truth, when it clearly hasn’t been easy for them to do so.

Growing up in Arkansas and perceived by others as an effeminate young boy, Thomi Clinton—now living as the woman she was meant to be—reveals, “Around the age of eight, my grandmother brought me to a Pentecostal Church for an exorcism.”  Thomi continues, “At a very young age, I remember telling my mother I wanted to be a girl. She thought it was a phase. I didn’t know the word transgender in Arkansas so I thought I was gay.  In school, I was targeted and bullied a lot for being different, to the point that I attempted to overdose on my mother’s prescription pills two times.  I think that was the point that people stopped taunting me at home, but it didn’t stop in school until my graduating year.  I have always been different and danced to my own drum…”

Paulo Batista, born and raised in Florida and now living in California as the man he was meant to be, explains, “I did tell my dad about my feelings but he was so sick battling cancer at the time that it wasn’t about me.  It was truly about him.”  He says of his mother, “she loved me no matter what, but she did have the biggest case of denial…  My half-sisters didn’t see eye to eye with me about my transition, but they didn’t stop loving me.  My other family lives in Portugal, and we Europeans see everything and could care less…”  Paulo reveals, “When I started middle school, it all started to sink in.  Puberty struck!  I found myself not fitting in with the girls around me.  I was a tomboy…wearing baggy jeans and big shirts to hide my curves…  I didn’t enjoy hanging out with other girls.  I just never fit in.  I always felt lost.”

Buck Angel, also now living powerfully as the man he was meant to be, explains of his family, “I did not always have a great relationship with them, not only because of my being a transsexual, but because I was a drug addict and not a good person.”  Buck explains, “…growing up I knew that I was different because people would tell me stuff like, ‘you are a girl not a boy…stop acting that way.’  It hurt my feelings because I would get teased at school and get into fights. I became a loner just to not have to feel this way.”

The Celebrity Factor

“We need more visibility and discussion,” says Thomi.  “I am very proud of Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner, Kristen Beck and others that are willing to step over the line in the sand and change the world’s perception. To be honest, I was really worried about Caitlyn Jenner (when) she outed herself as a Republican, and I don’t want to see anyone become the punching bag of anyone. But she seems to be beating those odds in public and I am very proud of her for that.”

Paulo offers a big “thank you” to Caitlyn and Laverne.  “With their help and courage to speak on their platforms, it has brought the transgender community one step closer to people seeing we are not silent.  In fact, it shows we exist everywhere and deserves equal respect.”

Buck says to Caitlyn and Laverne, “Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will and do save lives. You give a face to something that has been looked down on and attacked for a very long time,” adding, “We need to support our high profile people and not put them down for reasons of fame, privilege and such. The most important thing is that they bring positive awareness and that is gold!”

Who are their role models?  “I tend to avoid role models because I don’t want to become them,” says Thomi.  Paulo remembers his parents with great pride.  As for Buck… “Madonna hands down,” exclaims Buck.  “This woman is powerful and a game changer. She makes me feel like I can do anything if I want it bad enough and she leads by example. I also just love that age is something that has empowered her. I am 53 years old now. Most people would say, ‘well now I am 53 I need to just slow down and move over,’ but because of people like Madonna, I know that is not true. I feel the best I have ever felt physically and mentally. The best is yet to come.”

Designer Labels

Gender identity and sexual orientation are two completely different things.  GLAAD.org explains, “Sexual orientation describes a person’s enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person (for example: straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual); while gender identity describes a person’s, internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or someone outside of that gender binary.)  Simply put: sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to and fall in love with; gender identity is about your own sense of yourself.’

“I fully identified as a gay butch woman for much of my life before my change,” explains Buck.  “It was the place I felt the most comfortable and accepted.  But, that said, I secretly knew that I was a man but felt scared to ever say anything as not to be ostracized from my community.  I would hear things said about men from my community that made me feel like if I said anything they would hate me.  I held on as long as I could and then, when I decided to take the path of change, I am sad to say my fears became true and my butch community stopped speaking to me.  In one way I lost a part of me, but in another I finally became my true self.”

Thomi explains, “Each transgender person is different, and one of the splendors of gender is it is created to redefine labels and break the norms.  Because I am out as transgender, I find calling me a trans-woman is fine.  Some transgender people would be offended by this.  It’s really important to ask a transgender person how they wish to identify, and what their preferred pronoun is.”

“I am actually a leather man if I need a label,” says Paulo, who is Mr. SoCal Drummer 2015.  “Yes, I am a trans-man, but I am a leather man at heart. I will not deny I am a trans-man and in fact, I am very open about it to anyone and just about everyone. I try to educate every person I can and that is one of the main reasons I have yet to change my name or gender on legal papers. It’s a great conversation starter!”

Paulo adds, “I dated girls during my college years, started lift weights competitively, and discovered the art of drag kings.  Eventually, I decided to let go and date a guy again…  I finally realized I was attracted to men and women.  I just wasn’t happy in my body.  It wasn’t till I started dating a trans-man that I realized I was right in my head all along… that I was a boy from the very beginning and that there was light at the end of the tunnel for me. I finally transitioned at the age of 26.”

Buck says, “Labels are important for people. I do not identify as a transsexual man… I use the term transsexual, not transgender, when referring to my change because that is what I transitioned with and there is a difference… I do identify as a man now, but I also talk about being a transsexual man and what that journey is like… The reason I identify as a man is because that for me is the reason I went through transition. I wanted to be a man and still do. I think many people identify as Trans or transgender because it has now become an identity and with much more fluidity than just saying, “I am a man.”

The Happiness Factor

“I am happier now than I have ever been,” says Thomi, “but there is always room for improvement… One thing about humans is that we grow from struggle and pain and the challenges before us. I think saying I am 100% happy would be dishonest because I believe no one really is.  What’s missing?  I would like to complete some additional transitioning changes to improve myself.  That would make me happier.  Also, very simple things make me happy, like buying a flowering plant for my garden, or a new koi for one of my ponds, or helping others…”

Paulo proclaims, “I am free, therefore I am happy!  But, like for every bodybuilder, work must be done.”

“Yes!  I am happy,” exclaims Buck.  “I am lucky and I am grateful.  I sometimes think that I cannot believe I made it this far…that I am this guy I always wanted to be. My life is in my hands to do whatever I want.  I feel so free…  Before this I was so unhappy, which manifested in drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts, cutting and depression.”  He continues, “My transition gave me a whole new life. It enabled me to walk the world in a body that I feel proud of. People see me for who I am. This is happiness for me.”

The Road Ahead

Thomi wants to finish her garden, work on her home, remain of service to the transgender community, changing the world in the process.  “As I become more enlightened, I am sure I will expand, but for now I am keeping it simple.”

“I train in the gym as I am a competitive bodybuilder,” explains Paulo.  “It’s a lifestyle and love for me that helped me fight against bulimia… I would like to compete and eventually win a trophy. I also hope I can open many closed minds during my journey.  If I have saved one life or inspired one person to live instead of choosing death; or if I have helped a friend support a Trans friend in need instead of judging them, I will know my life has been worth living and my dreams have come true.”

“I would like people to understand is that not all transgender people are the same,” Paulo elaborates.  “We are all different, just like every human being.  Although one transgender person may be out, another may not.  Just always remember we are humans with hearts looking to be accepted for who we truly are!”

“It hurts my feelings to see young people dealing with the same things I felt over 40 years ago,” says Buck.  “My hope one day is that we will all be equal, that we will all be able to just be ourselves.  I see this happening and I like to call it ‘Evolution.’  I hope I will be around to see all the positive change.  I hope that our community stops fighting with each other over our differences. This is all about human rights.”

For great resources, visit www.glaad.org/transgender, and for more information about Nicholas Snow, visit www.NicholasSnowLive.com.